Sunday, January 4, 2015

my dirge and rebirth (for CB) © 1994

it's too bad I'm lazy
with no lesson in my plan
(but who'd listen to me, anyway)

I'd rather lurk behind the scenes
of someone else's dreams
than awaken my own

while I sit and play
connect the dots
in the broken mirror
(that's another seven years
of zits, I guess)
painting ragged portraits
of faces that don't exist

scribbling bits of scenery
from a play without a stage
and actors fighting to be free of their page


but until anyone can crawl
into my head
and look out through my eyes
struggle to beat with a wavering heart
battle splinter and shards
that try to crack my skull apart

until then

they'll never have the right
to ask why
I am the way I am

my words may bloom on paper  
to those who can't discern
the flowers from the weeds
but behind my lips they're forever trapped
with garble and spit
and mumbles

(which is why I prefer
silence to speech)

I guess I don't care as much
as everyone else
or maybe I care too much
for all the wrong reasons

I'll continue to coast
on a crest of good intentions
until my welcome has been
overstayed
and breaks on another beach

then I'll move on
to another shell where
again
they don't know me
 
all I leave here
are a few stray rusted tangles
eraser dust
and a legacy of parody

outside of this box
maybe I'll amount to more than
an empty bottle
a pack of cards
some candle wax and invisible scars

more than everyone else's prophesies
of name, of fame
or, maybe none of these

when eyes are no longer
holding in hauntings 
of ghosts that never walked
except maybe for show

I myself no longer know

perhaps the glow behind them
will mellow to embers
and no longer burn the slow burn

maybe I'll turn to my own phoenix
and this time

 smile

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